Lindsey and Jo met while Lindsey was studying abroad at Ewha Women’s University in Seoul, South Korea in 2015. She had been there studying for an entire year when, out of nowhere, Jo messaged her on Instagram. Lindsey is reluctant at first but decides it would be a great way to make friends in Korea. After several times of casual dates with friends, Joe asked Lindsay to be his girlfriend for his birthday in November or 2015. Since Lindsay’s return to the US in June 2016, they have been in a long distance relationship with Lindsay who lives in Florida and Joe who lives in South Korea. They can see each other every 4 months for 2 months at a time. Putting their full effort into the relationship and using distance to make their hearts grow fonder. Lindsey and Joe will both graduate from college in December, and Lindsey plans to return to Korea in July 2018 after applying to work as an English teacher there.
questions to her
On our first date…
I honestly kept thinking of all the things that could happen…with the worst case scenario being a scene straight out of “Taken”. He made the trip to the campus and waited patiently for me with flowers and a heartfelt message in his hands. We had lunch, tried to talk – but nerves got the better of us, and then we went shopping for a winter coat since I had no idea how to prepare for winter after spending my whole life in Florida.
During the early months of dating a deal breaker will be…
What kind of lie. If you are not honest in the early stages of our relationship, that means instability later on. The other (ridiculous) thing for me is eating with your mouth open…that was always just a pet peeve of mine.
I learned it’s right for me when…
He told me that he will always take care of me and that no matter how long it takes, he will wait for the day we can be together. His dedication sealed the deal.
I had a moment of culture shock when…
We decided to dress up as a couple for the first time! In America, it’s not common for couples to show off to each other by wearing matching outfits, so when we did that I thought it was very sexy but I loved it at the same time. Now, I feel like Joe and I match a bit of our outfit every so often and we both enjoy that!
3 things I love about it are…
method take care of me. He always asks if I ate or how I slept. He offers me his coat when it’s cold or his shoulder when I’m tired. For example, we were going home on the subway one night after a long day and Juo had taken the opportunity to use his jacket to cover my legs so I could sit comfortably in my skirt while resting my head on his shoulder.
The second thing is that he understands me. He takes the time to listen and hear what I have to say. He will listen to me vent and then tell me everything is fine and let her go. He does not let our language difference stand in our way. If he needs more explanation he will ask and never say don’t bother or give up and that’s important to me.
Third, he makes every effort for our relationship. He always thinks about our future and talks about it openly. He is comfortable around me and constantly shows me his love. There was never a moment when I didn’t sense his true mind or his intentions. For example, one recent topic we’ve been stuck with is the idea of adopting a dog or cat when I move to Korea. It may seem like a simple topic but in fact it is planning a part of our future and we want to grow together.
The biggest misconception about his country and culture was…
The idea that korean men in korea will never see a relationship with a foreigner as a real one. I was always told to be careful and that they might only see you as an easy target or a fun experiment to brag about to their friends.
The best things he did for me were…
Make a personalized photo book of all our memories from our first year together. As a gift to me for a year, Joe created a huge book filled with picture after picture of all the things we did together. He had dates written all over the pages and little captions for each photo. I couldn’t believe he made something like this and for me, that was the most special thing I’ve ever had because I got to see him through all the time and the love he put into it. It is something I will cherish forever.
The second thing was that he proudly waited for me at the airport with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I had ever seen and we both fought back tears as we hugged each other for the first time in months. Seeing the love of your life standing there waiting for you with the biggest smile on his face is one of the best moments anyone in a long distance relationship can go through. Those moments are priceless.
During this relationship, the most important thing I learned about myself was…
I can be patient and I can say that I have learned what it means to show love in ways that go beyond physical actions. Love can be seen in the words you say to each other and the efforts you make each day. I know distance is only an issue in a relationship if you make it one. I have become a patient person and now realize that waiting is only part of our journey. We and Joe are in this for the long haul, and if that means waiting for months on end then so be it. Honestly, it was a skill I had lacked in the past but this relationship has changed that.
If there was a piece of advice I could give fellow Western girlfriends who are involved in AMWF relationships it would be…
To be yourself without restrictions. There is absolutely no limit to how much you can learn about another person’s culture. There is absolutely no limit to becoming a better version of yourself without changing who you are. Finally, there will be absolutely no limit to who you find love and connect with. Know that it’s okay to embrace people of different races, ethnicities, religions, and cultures because no one is saying you have to find love within someone or something familiar.
questions to him
Asking her out for the first time was…
arousing. I first saw her on Instagram and thought she was so pretty so I had to message her. After talking to each other for a while, I couldn’t wait to meet her in person, so I gathered my courage together and ordered!
I learned it works for me when…
She told me she would love me forever. Some people think it’s easy to say but for me it’s something very special because I can really feel her mind. She also always knows how to surprise me. For example, she would send me letters in the mail for no reason and fill them out with our pictures. She always writes me a nice message inside too.
I got culture shock when…
She told me that there is no public transportation system in Florida. She said there is no subway or big bus system and I was shocked! After I visited Florida for the first time, I later understood that most people use cars, so there was no need for public transportation.
3 things I love about it
She loves me unconditionally. I’ve never felt this kind of love before and it makes me feel so special. No matter what, I know she will be by my side and I will do exactly the same for her.
She always thinks of me. Recently, she told me that whenever she talks about me or thinks of me, she’ll touch the couple’s ring we’re wearing. I feel like we share our feelings. If I am happy, I can share that happiness with her. If she is sad I can understand her sadness and do my best to make her happy. She understands meShe makes me happy, she’s beautiful…how can I not love her? Sometimes I still can’t believe she’s my girlfriend!
The biggest misconception about her country and culture was…
I would have thought that their eating habits would be similar to the ones you’ve seen in movies and TV shows. I thought when I went to America I’d see everyone eating fast food or frozen dinners every day, but that wasn’t true. I will say that I think eating out is definitely more popular there than it is in Korea, but that’s not what the movies make it seem like.
The things you like to do for fun with me…
They travel and talk! We are obsessed with traveling and making memories all over the world. Every time we get together we always plan a trip. Our first trip together was to Tokyo, Japan in 2016! These days we are already planning our next trip when I go to visit her in the US. With her, there is never a dull moment. Whenever we video chat, call or send a message, we are always laughing at something or smiling at each other.
During this relationship was the most important thing I learned about myself…
The need for understanding. After being with Lindsey for about two years, I’m getting better at understanding and listening. Even though she’s American and Korean, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t play a role in our ability to understand each other. I feel like we know each other better because we are both interested in each other’s culture.
If there was a piece of advice I could give my Asian friends who are in AMWF relationships it would be…
If you are at a long distance now or would like to have a relationship with someone from a different country in the future, I will just tell you not to give up! If you guys can’t be together now, then you have to show all your love and feelings for this person. Talk about your future. Know where you want to be in the future and plan for it. It will keep you motivated and set a goal for everyone to reach.